Bedtime Routines
Listening to Children
Talking about Talking Back
Stress and Parenting
Taming Toddler Tantrums
Promoting healthy diets rich in calcium & other nutrients
Sun safety tips for young children
Building your Child's Self-esteem
Sibling rivalry
Bedtime routines
Turning Toddler Bedtime Struggles into Peaceful Snuggles
Most toddlers resist sleep. And why wouldn’t they? Their worlds are full of discovery, with the constant question, “what’s next?” moving them forward. So it’s natural that they might be afraid they’ll miss something when it’s time to settle in for a nap or for the night. On a deeper level, they might also be afraid that if they go to sleep, their world will disappear. Along with a peaceful transition from stimulating play, they need reassurance that the world they know—the fun, loved ones, and toys—will be there when they wake.
- pick out pajamas
- brush teeth
- read a book
- talk about relatives or people your child knows
- say prayers
- say “good night” to siblings or pets, toys, books, and finally, a lamp.
Using your child’s personality as a guide, come up with things that are calming and reassuring. Consistency is important, so choose a routine that will be easy for you to follow every time.
You have probably already discovered that when you are feeling impatient or stressed—perhaps you have work to do or are tired yourself—your child is less likely to go to sleep. Your child can feel your tension, and reflects it back to you. This will make bedtime a struggle every time. Give yourself plenty of time to move through your bedtime routine with your child.
Because children in the same family may have very different temperaments, the routine for each child may vary. For some children, a bedtime routine can be short, sweet, and peaceful. It may be completely different for other children.
Some ideas you can try:
- Have your child run up and down the hall a few times to exert extra energy.
- Give your child a warm bath.
- Talk about your day, and encourage your child talk to you. Sometimes children worry, and this gives them a chance to get things “off their chest” before bedtime.
- Leave on a light or check under the bed or in the closet. Children’s fears can keep them from feeling safe enough to sleep.
- Open the door a crack, and tell your child where you will be and what you will be doing.
- Sing a song
- Tell your child it is “close-your-eyes, stay-in-bed, quiet time.” Sometimes the word, “sleep” can make children resistant!
- Play some music. Sometimes sudden quiet can be disarming for young children, and calm music provides a pleasant way to transition from play to sleep.
- Children love repetition. So try reading that same story again and then once more. Though the routine or song or story may bore you, the repetition makes children feel safe.
- Bedtime struggles can often be avoided by knowing when your child will become overly tired, hungry, or worried. You can prevent struggles by making sure you begin the routine before your child becomes too tired.
• Most importantly, relax, be patient, and be consistent.
Like adults, some children have difficulty going to sleep, while others go right to sleep at the suggestion. If you follow your routine consistently, soon enough your child will realize that bedtime will become a time for sweet dreams.
Listening to Children
Ages 3-12
Children don’t listen to what we say. They watch what we do.
If this is true, one of the most important things we can do to get children to listen to us is to listen to them. Since being able to communicate well is a skill that will help your child succeed in the world, active listening will help develop your child’s self-confidence and important language skills.
Listening is an important way to love your children and help them grow into responsible adults. When children don’t feel heard, they might find other ways to express themselves— making excess noise, whining, or acting out. When you listen to children, the stress level in your home often goes down.
When families listen to each other, the bonds are stronger and the family is healthier. Listening is an important way family members say, “I care about you.” To help children grow in a home where they feel cared for, try to make a point of stopping what you are doing and listening. This is as important as talking and hugging.
A child who feels heard will be more likely to talk to you when things aren’t going well. This is important when a child is young, and it will become increasingly important as the child grows older and the problems and decision have longer-lasting effects.
Ways to Listen
Listening doesn’t take a lot of time. In fact, it just takes a few minutes of listening for children to learn that they are appreciated and valued. It may be unreasonable to expect to listen all the time. When you can’t listen, simply tell the child when you can. If you have answered the same question several times, say, “I answered that question.”
Here are some tips about listening to children.
Look. When you look at your child, you are listening to more than their words. Try to position yourself so you can look into your child’s eyes. Facial expressions and silence can be as important as words. This is important especially when children are younger and their language is limited.
Encourage talk. As your child learns self-expression, the words may not come out right. Children need to make mistakes in a trusting environment. Communication is about understanding, not perfection.
Ask questions. Ask questions that require more than yes or no answers. If your child is talking, ask questions about the subject to encourage further discussion.
Relax.Listening is a time to slow down and focus your energy to really hear what your child is saying.
Acknowledge feelings. When you encourage talking, you may hear some things you don’t like. When a child tells you how she feels, avoid saying, “you shouldn’t be mad!” Instead, you can say, “I know you are feeling mad.” If it makes sense, ask, “Can I help?”
Time to Listen
Make a point to set aside a special time each day to listen. Pick a time when your child is calm and distractions are limited. The moments before a child goes to sleep can be a perfect time to slow the pace.
When we listen with our minds and hearts, we model respect and show love. Along with encouraging confidence and important social and language skills, listening shows children how to value and respect you and others.
Talking about Talking Back
Ages 5-10
When children talk back, this can trigger a very emotional reaction in adults. After the shock and surprise, you may be thinking: Who taught you to talk like that? You will respect me! Who do you think you are?As you may have already learned, reacting emotionally to back talk only escalates the behavior; however, when you remain calm, your children mirror your behavior. Your goal is to discourage the negative behavior of talking back, while encouraging children to talk about their feelings. Like most childhood behavior, when you understand and expect it, you can use the opportunity to model constructive behavior.
It may be hard to believe, but talking back is a very normal developmental milestone. When children talk back, they are trying to separate themselves from their parents and feel some control over their lives. Children must do this in order to grow into independent individuals.
Anticipating Back Talk The next time your child talks back, pay attention to the situation. Is your child tired, hungry, or upset about other things? Is there a pattern? When the time is right, talk to your child about these patterns. You might agree that when your child is tired or hungry, you will both wait until these problems are solved before discussing other matters.
When you are tired or upset that things didn’t go your way, model ways to act. You could say, “I’m so mad right now! I’m going to take a bath to calm down.” This will show your child that it is acceptable to be mad; at the same time, you are taking responsibility for your emotional state.
Help your child develop more socially acceptable ways of expression by setting clear limits and explaining the behavior that you expect. Set ground rules for making a point and allow your child express a differing opinion, as long as it is communicated respectfully.
Dealing with Back Talk Remember that your goal is not to win an argument, but to change your child’s behavior. Tell your child that talking about things is great, but back talk is not acceptable. When your child talks back, tell him to find another way to say it, and you will listen.
Here are some tips you can try to deal with back talk.
- Stay calm. Don’t overreact. This will escalate the situation, and you will miss an opportunity to teach your child how to express emotions and ideas constructively.
- Model respect. Children watch you more than they listen to you. Show them how to act and how to speak respectfully. Avoid sarcasm, belittling, or anger.
- Encourage conversation. Tell your child, “when you are calm, I will talk to you.” Let your child tell you when he is calm and ready speak to you constructively.
- Don’t engage.It is impossible for a child to argue if you are not participating!
- Be honest.You can tell your child, “That’s not a nice thing to say.” This encourages your child to think about how his or her words affect people.
- Be firm.Make your point once and expect good things. Walk away with the expectation that your child will comply.
Stress and Parenting
Parenting is hard! It’s no wonder that parents are often over stressed. Stress often gets worse if it is ignored. Your actions and words can easily get out of control. Stress management for parents is necessary so you can continue to provide a safe, nurturing home for your children. Make stress management a part of your daily routine. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your family.Stress? What Stress?
You can become tense when you are bothered, worried, hurried, or anxious. When you are tense, it is difficult to function and make good decisions. Parents are often too busy taking care of everyone else that they forget to take care of themselves. But chronic stress can affect health as well as relationships.
Preventing Stress
Understanding stress and how your body reacts to it will help you learn to control it before you become over stressed. The best way to reduce stress is recognize your warning signs and to try to prevent it before it occurs. Here are some tips you can try.
- Get enough sleep.When you have enough sleep, your body is more prepared for life’s challenges. Sleep and naps are important for your child’s health and temperament. They are important to yours, too!
- Be healthy.Eat right. Exercise for health and for stress relief. Exercise helps you breathe properly and relax your mind and body. Avoid excessive caffeine and alcohol.
- Have realistic expectations. Know what you can reasonably expect to do in a day. Know what behaviors are developmentally appropriate for your child.
- Don’t take it personally.When your child misbehaves, or your friend snaps at you—don’t take it personally! Understand that people have bad days, and children are often “acting their age.”
- Have some fun. Children love to play, and play is a great way to release tension. Make having fun a daily routine—go outside, play hide and seek, or meet with friends.
- Practice feeling calm. Prepare for a time you might feel stress by imagining that moment and walking through it. Breathe deeply and imagine your responses to a tantrum or other stressful situation, and imagine feeling calm.
- Take a deep breath.
- Write it down.
- Go for a walk.
- Listen to music.
- Relax your standards.
- Focus on the positive.
- Laugh.
Parents need support. Know ahead of time the people you can rely on when you need support. Reach out. You might be surprised how many people feel exactly the way you do and are eager to talk. Ask for advice, share your experiences, and be a good listener. By reaching out, you teach your children that together we can get through anything!
Taming Toddler Tantrums
One minute your child is acting perfectly normal, and the next minute, this same child is crying, kicking, screaming, and rolling on the ground. How did this happen? Tantrums are perfectly normal behavior for children one to three years of age. While not every child has them, most children do. Tantrums happen because children are learning that they have choices, and they are using their limited verbal an social skills to express their emotions.Just as adults react when something doesn’t happen the way they would like, children react. Most adults have learned that throwing a tantrum is not an effective way to express anger or frustration, and it doesn’t solve problems. Toddlers are still trying to figure out what works. At two years old, they have very few skills at hand—but the know skills in the crying, screaming, hitting, and kicking department!
Preventing Tantrums
Many tantrums can be prevented. The next time your child has a tantrum, ask yourself what lead up to it. Was your child hungry, tired, bored, over stimulated, frustrated, seeking attention, or uncomfortable? Once you discover the triggers, you can make adjustments or help your child cope. Try some of the following tips to prevent your child’s tantrums.
Toddlers love to feel like they have some control, so give your child choices that are acceptable to you. Your toddler can help make many small decisions throughout the day, such as, “Would you like carrots or apples?” As always, continue to make decisions about safety, rest, nutrition, and other important matters.
Distract your child. When you see the first warning signs, divert attention from the problem at hand. Say, “What will we see when we go to the park today? Birds?” Pick up a favorite book, move to a different room, or point to something interesting.
Make sure your child is rested, fed, and comfortable before going shopping. Prepare your child beforehand by saying, “Since we won’t buy a new toy, which toy would you like to take with you?” Just like adults, when children know what to expect, they can handle the situation better.
Give your child plenty of attention when things are going well. When your child is being good say, “How wonderful! You put up your toy!” To your toddler, attention is attention, whether good or bad.
Model patience when you are frustrated. When you see the first signs of frustration in your child, demonstrate how to take a deep breath, think, and try again. Speak calmly. If your child is open to it, take time to show your child how to solve a problem.
Responding to tantrums
When your child is having a tantrum, don’t take it personally! Breathe, keep your child safe, and remain calm. If you give in to demands, you are encouraging this behavior and you are prolonging the phase. Becoming angry or stressed increases your child’s stress level and escalates the situation. Here are some tips you can try when your child is having a tantrum.
Try to understand it. Has there been a great disappointment? Does your child need comfort or reassurance? Sometimes a long hug and genuine empathy can help soothe the situation.
Ignore it. As long as your child and others are safe, calmly pick up toys or drink a glass of water while avoiding eye contact. If you are in public, step to a space where you can “ignore” your child until the behavior is under control. Try not to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Not everyone understands tantrums.
Keep your child safe. If safely is a concern, gently but firmly hold your child and breathe deeply until calm is restored. Tell your child, “I am holding you because you are out of control. I am keeping you safe because I love you.”
Model patience. Show your child how to act when things don’t go right. By being patient and calm, you are modeling self-control.
When the Outburst is Over
When the tears have dried and calm is restored, talk about ways to act when things don’t go as planned. Tell your child that tantrums don’t work. Give your child words to say next time, such as “I feel angry.” Children know when they have not behaved appropriately, and they will need reassurance that you love them, no matter what. Take a deep breath and stick to it! You are helping your child learn very important problem-solving and anger management skills that will serve them later in life.
PARENTS AS TEACHERS MARK DAIRY MONTH WITH NUTRITIOUS IDEAS FOR YOUNG KIDS
ST. LOUIS (June 1, 2006) – To celebrate June Dairy Month, Parents as Teachers National Center is promoting healthy diets rich in calcium and other nutrients for young children. Experts with Parents as Teachers offer these tips to parents on ways to ensure their children get the nutrients they need to grow-up healthy and strong.
Why dairy is important
Children younger than kindergarten are growing at an extremely fast rate. They need lots of nutrients that are vital to their health and development. Below are some ways children benefit from foods in the milk group.
- Diets that include milk products tend to have a higher overall nutritional quality with nutrients that include calcium, potassium, vitamin D and protein. A child who receives the correct amount of nutrients is healthy and ready to learn and socialize with others.
- Dairy products are good sources of dietary fats and minerals needed to absorb fat and promote brain development by contributing to the myelination of neurons which makes neural pathways faster and more efficient.
- Calcium helps children grow strong and healthy teeth to chew food and to be able to speak clearly.
- During the preschool years, cartilage is turning to bone and bones are becoming longer and stronger. Diets rich in milk and milk products help build and maintain strong bones for physical fitness and motor development.
Ideas for serving a healthy diet
Here are some ways parents can provide a healthy diet for children at different ages.
- Pregnant mothers are encouraged to drink four glasses of milk or eat four servings of dairy each day to help their babies grow.
- For the first year breast milk or formula is the only source of "milk product" your baby will need to get calcium, iron, protein and fat. Breast-feeding is the preferred method to get your baby the nutrients he needs, but formula is a good option for mothers who can’t or choose not to breast-feed.
- At around 8 months of age babies are able to start picking-up foods with their hands, so you can provide finger foods like cheese slices or squares. At this age children can also begin to eat foods like plain yogurt and cottage cheese. When introducing new foods only give your child one new food a week so that if the child has an allergic reaction you and your doctor can determine the cause.
- After your child's first birthday you can start giving her milk. It is recommended that children under age 2 drink whole milk to get complex fats for brain development. After your child turns 2-years-old, talk with your pediatrician about whether or not to continue serving whole milk. You might be able to give your child 2% or skim milk depending on her weight, diet and nutrient intake.
- The most important tip for parents is to be a good role model. Children are more likely to pick up a good habit if they see their parents practicing and enjoying the behavior, too. A healthy diet rich in calcium benefits people at all ages.
For more child development and parenting information, parents are encouraged to visit the Parents as Teachers National Center web site, at www.ParentsAsTeachers.org. For more information on milk products and health benefits visit the National Dairy Council web site at www.nationaldairycouncil.org. For local Parents As Teachers information, contact Sara Sampson with Children & Youth Partnership for Dare County at 441-0614.
About Parents as Teachers National Center
Based in St. Louis, Parents as Teachers National Center is the resource base and backbone of Parents as Teachers, a parent education and early childhood development program serving parents throughout pregnancy until their child enters kindergarten, usually age 5. The nonprofit National Center oversees more than 3,000 Parents as Teachers programs nationwide as well as in several other countries. For more information about Parents as Teachers, visit www.ParentsAsTeachers.org.
PARENTS AS TEACHERS GIVES SUN SAFETY TIPS FOR YOUNG KIDS
ST. LOUIS (July 10, 2006) – Young children are much more sensitive to the dangerous effects of the sun and heat than adults. Experts with Parents as Teachers National Center, the resource base and backbone of one of the largest parent education programs in the nation, offer five tips to keep children safe and healthy during the hot summer months.
Ways to cut down on risk
- Spend time in the shade – According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children under 6 months of age should be kept out of direct sun entirely. For older children, time spent playing in the sun should be limited. Seeking out shaded areas is key to avoiding sunburns and overheating. When going to the park, wait to go down that slide or play on the swings until the shade has reached those areas. Buy a stroller with a wide sun shade or rig-up your own sun shade with a blanket. Use a big beach umbrella to create shade in open areas. Watch your child for signs of crankiness or fatigue that could be an indication of dehydration.
- Use sunscreen – Because young children's skin is so sensitive it's important to shield them against the sun's harmful rays. For children older than 6 months of age, use sunscreen of at least SPF 15 and use a water-proof sunscreen if children will be in the water. Parents are encouraged to use tearless sunscreen to reduce eye irritation. Test the sunscreen in small patches to check for an allergic reaction. Sunburn can happen even on cloudy or overcast days so get in the habit of using sunscreen every time your child goes outside. You can make applying sunscreen a fun game for your preschooler or toddler by letting her rub sunscreen on you while you put it on her, too.
- Dress appropriately – Because children under the age of 6 months are the most sensitive they need to be covered-up with long sleeve shirts and pants. Lightweight, loose fitting outfits will be the most comfortable in hot weather and tightly woven opaque fabrics are the best at blocking the sun. As your child gets older you can start to incorporate short sleeve shirts and pants, but remember to apply sunscreen. Hats with wide brims and sunglasses shield your baby’s eyes and face. Your child might fight these objects at first, but constant wear will get him and you accustomed to using them every time you go out.
- Drink lots of water – Children need lots of fluids to keep them hydrated while playing outside. It's OK for your child to breastfeed more than usual and children older than 6 months of age can be offered a cup (or bottle if you prefer) of water frequently. Water is better for keeping kids hydrated than juice or sugary drinks. Tip: If you rarely provide sugary drinks, your child will more readily accept water.
- Child proof the car – Don't leave a child in a parked car. In the hot weather temperatures can rise rapidly, causing heatstroke. Parents as Teachers recommends keeping the car cool with air conditioning when your child is on board and testing to make sure metal surfaces like seat belts and door handles are cooled before your child comes in contact with them. You can also wrap surfaces that might get hot with a towel and buy sun shades for the windows or use a blanket to cover your baby.
Contact your health care provider for advice if your child shows signs of a sunburn or dehydration. Also, make sure anyone who cares for your child knows and follows the sun safety guidelines you have set.
For more child development and parenting information, parents are encouraged to visit the Parents as Teachers National Center web site, at www.ParentsAsTeachers.org. For more information on milk products and health benefits visit the National Dairy Council web site at www.nationaldairycouncil.org. For local Parents As Teachers information, contact Sara Sampson with Children & Youth Partnership for Dare County at 441-0614.
About Parents as Teachers National Center
Based in St. Louis, Parents as Teachers National Center is the resource base and backbone of Parents as Teachers, a parent education and early childhood development program serving parents throughout pregnancy until their child enters kindergarten, usually age 5. The nonprofit National Center oversees more than 3,000 Parents as Teachers programs nationwide as well as in several other countries. For more information about Parents as Teachers, visit www.ParentsAsTeachers.org.
Happy Childhoods Last a Lifetime
Parenting Tips on Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem
If they believe they are good, they will be good. If they believe they can be successful, they will try new things. If they believe they are capable, they will be confident as they work and play. The way children and adults approach life depends very much on what kind of person they think they are- how they value and accept themselves.
Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It includes things as your self-confidence, self- respect, pride, independence, and self-reliance. All the ways you feel about yourself and your abilities are wrapped up in the term "self-esteem".
I am valuable
When you spend time together, show your children how much you enjoy it. Tell your child you love them. Thank your children when they do something good. Spending time alone to play or talk together with your child shows him/her that they are worthy attention. Try to find out how they feel and why they feel the way they feel. Acknowledging your child’s feelings and showing them how to express them appropriate helps him/her know that they are OK. Children's self-esteem will be higher if you treat them seriously and with respect.
I am capable
It's important for children to have experience with success. Toys should match their developmental level so children can meet appropriate challenges, but not continually be frustrated by something that is to hard. Creative activities where the child can't make a mistake (such as play dough) are good for them. The more your child has experience with the good feelings success brings, the more they are likely to try new experiences and accept new challenges in order to have new successes. Learning to do things on their own supports your child's sense of being capable. Being allowed to feed or dress themselves, as well as get to help around the house, are big accomplishments. When your child does a job, it is not likely to be done as well or as fast as you would do it, but good enough should be OK. If she puts the napkins around the table for dinner, and they are on the wrong side of the plate-that's OK. If you redo the job, or criticize beginning efforts to learn a task, your child will miss the good feelings of being capable. Learning comes in small steps and comes faster with encouragement.
I have some personal control
Encourage decision-making and independence. Young children need opportunity to make simple choices, for example, which of two shirts to put on, or which of two cereals to eat. They become more cooperative and like to have the chance to say what they want. It’s good to support this beginning independence in a positive way. Even so, it is normal for children to try to get control in a negative way, such as using temper tantrums. If you as a parent help your child with the emotions they feel, but refuse to give into what he wants, this normal but difficult behavior will pass.
In general, the more positive your self-esteem, the more successful you will be at dealing with life. The same holds true for your children. The more positive their self-esteem, the more confident and proud they will be. They will try harder, be happier, and have a greater self-respect.
Remember, High self-esteem is important because children behave according to how they see themselves.
Primary Source: Parents as Teachers
Happy Childhoods Last a Lifetime
Parenting Tips on Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is a normal part of family life, especially when a family is experiencing a big change such as a graduation, hospitalizations, birthdays, or new family members.
Children's jealousy is normal and will last well in to adulthood. You can do all the "right" things and still have sibling rivalry problems in your family.
Kids learn that the fastest and most reliable way to get attention is to misbehave. There are multiple cues that signal children's feelings. Extremes cues are hitting or biting, but sibling rivalry may be expressed in many other ways including:
* Avoiding contact with new sibling
* Verbal rejection
* Destruction of property
* Resistance during family activities
* Persistent negative attitude towards the change
What you can do is try to understand your child's feelings and help them express their emotions. Help them realize the unique benefits and pleasures of being a sibling. Here are a few things you can do to reduce sibling rivalry.
Treat each child as an individual. Help them understand that you treat them differently and they have different privileges and responsibilities because they are different individuals.
Respect each child’s boundaries. Give them their own space, toys, and time alone when they want it. Avoid forcing your child to interact with other family members.
Avoid labeling or comparing one child to another. This feeds their competitiveness. Recognize that each child is unique and brings their own special talents to the family.
Prepare older children for new siblings. When a new child comes into the family, prepare the older siblings by talking about their new responsibilities. Give them new chores and encourage them to help take care of the new siblings. Make them feel like it is their baby, too.
Play detective. Watch and note when siblings are not getting along- before dinner, in the car, early morning. Plan separate activities for those times and prepare in advance to manage misbehaviors.
Treat children equally. Watch how you treat each child to see if you are contributing to the rivalry. Make sure you are not playing favorites.
Have realistic expectations. Be flexible in your expectations of how they should get along, cooperate, share, and like each other. Make sure your expectations are appropriate for each child's age.
Catch them being good. Compliment your children when you see them behaving and getting along with one another. Congratulate them when you see them playing nicely and solving their own conflicts.
Make each child feel special and important. Try to spend one-on-one time with each child every day. Even a few minutes can make a big difference.
Remember, sibling rivalry is normal and an expected part of family life!
Source: Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina.
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